A Legacy of Happiness

I’ve been reading this book about happiness. It was on my mind when I heard that my uncle had been killed. He was in a head-on car crash on a rural prairie highway, he died at the scene. When I spoke at his funeral I had written down four things about happiness. I speak at funerals, lately. It’s an unfortunate trend.

The first thing about happiness is that there has been a growing body of research about it over the last 30 years. Historically, science studied psychological problems, so they could fix what’s broken. Recently people have been looking at the other side of life, studying positivity, success, and happiness.

My uncle was a tremendous guy. His son had just given a sincere and touching eulogy that rang true with everyone who knew him. Hundreds filled the same small town hall where I’d attended so many weddings growing up, and now suddenly, a series of funerals. It was universally agreed he was welcoming, kind, genuine, and loving. Never a sour word, always wanting to help, or listen, or spend time with you. He was the personification of a warm hug.

The second thing about happiness, is that it can release chemicals in your brain. If I smile my body releases “happy chemicals”, like dopamine, and I feel good. Your mind has these things called mirror neurons, and they mean that when I smile, it’s catching, so you smile too, and when you smile your body dumps the same happy chemicals into your brain, and you feel good. Happiness is literally contagious.

My uncle was always happy to see you, you knew this because he was smiling. He was forever smiling, and you were always smiling in his company. The thought of my uncle, his face creased with laugh lines, giving everyone he knew a dose of happy chemicals, really appeals to me. Randy, the dopamine pusher.

The third thing about happiness, is that it comes before success. Traditional wisdom says you achieve, you succeed at life, and then you become happy. The science says we’ve got that backwards, people who are happy, succeed, not the other way around. Happiness is attributed to a longer life, greater success at school, at work, and in our personal relationships. Happy people achieve more personally and professionally. Happiness, in fact, precedes success.

He was a great uncle, and an outstanding grandfather. His eleven grandkids were certainly taking it hard. He was a family man, as dedicated to that role as anyone I’ve known. He was a constant presence in their lives, and always the biggest supporter of anything they did. How cheated those kids must feel to have him snatched away like that. I was trying to think of something to say to them.

The fourth thing about happiness, is that your brain is elastic. Folks used to believe that you were born with a happy optimistic disposition, or you weren’t, and that was that. But, science says that you’re far more flexible, your mind is like your muscles, it grows and develops in response to the work it does. If you are exposed to happiness and optimism you get better at being happy and optimistic.

The people you come into contact with alter your brain. They help shape your raw clay into what you are, and what you will become. My argument to those kids is that their grandfather trained them to be happy, and that is a powerful magic. Part of what’s needed to live a good life is for someone to show you how it’s done. My uncle and his smiles influenced and shaped their minds, showing them how to see the good in things, the opportunity surrounding them, and the value of being kind and loving.

I find solace in those impressions, etched into me by my grandfather, my dad, and my uncle. The wrinkles around my eyes are echoes of his laugh lines rippling forward through generations. When I think of him I smile, and when I smile, so do you. What a wonderful legacy.